9.16.2010

The sand in my grasp.

I feel like the older I get, the faster time seems to slip by. I often don't remember what happened just a few days ago. Life was so much slower when I was younger. I can remember things I experienced in great detail, and sometimes I cannot put into words how I felt during those times. So, they are just locked in my mind with only myself to revisit often. I think that maybe I paid more attention when I was younger, so that is why I remember so well. I don't have too many pictures or videos of me as a child, but I seem to still remember more about my childhood than about my life as an adult. Interesting. I try really hard to remember everything I experience when I know that I am having a wonderful or life-changing moment in my life. I want to lock them in my memory, but it's just not the same as when I was a child. Does anyone experience this?

I think that my little girl, Jocelyn, is like I was as a child. She has always been very observant. As a baby she would love to look around at the people surrounding her, especially at church, while all the other babies her age would be lying in their baby carriers or fixed on a toy. I know that she will grow up fast in my eyes. But the greatest thing to remember is that she feels she is not. Time takes               f o r e v e r  to go by as a child. So I need to be extra careful with the time I do share with her...because we are sharing it. Five minutes to me may feel like an hour to her. So I need to be careful with what our "sharing time" consists of.


I listened to a song today by Mindy Gledhill called Hourglass. I loved how the lyrics say that life is an hourglass. It is very true that after time passes, all we have are the grains to look back on. I hope that those I love will have happy "grains" of me in their own pile of sand, especially my child(ren). I was called to be in the Primary presidency in my ward recently. I have felt the Holy Ghost so strong lately and I know I am being influenced by him because of the newfound passion I have for teaching, loving, and getting to know the children of my ward.
I read a message given by Jeffrey R. Holland to primary presidencies in the church. He said, "...Your influence will, quite literally, affect these children for eternity...However much we love and admire children, I am certain we underestimate who and what a child is and what in the hands of God he or she may become." I really loved what he said, especially now being a mother. I know that the Savior understands the way children observe life around them. He must know for He experienced everything and remembers it all in greater detail than I could ever imagine. He never forgets. And every movement He made and word He spoke was good. Every person who has and ever will live on the earth will have happy "grains" of Him in their pile of sand. I think that one of the greatest things we can do for the children in our lives is to share with them this happy "grain". Just thinking about how much joy comes from being able to do that for someone else...especially a child, is overwhelmingly awesome!
I am grateful to have had the opportunity to have once been a child and that I still have memories from when I was one. I am grateful for the children in my life. They remind me of how precious our lives here one earth are. The time we have here and the grains of sand in our grasp are gifts from God. He gave each of us the opportunity to influence the grains of sand of those around us. The Savior is the perfect example for us. He was always thoughtful and careful. He understood how precious the sand was that he held in His hands.

9.10.2010

I can do hard things.

I think writing here as much as I wanted to begin with is harder than I thought it would be. Oh well, I will just try to do as much as I can.
Anyway, this week has been a good but challenging one for me. I have definitely jumped a few hurdles, which feels great, but having the courage to jump over them was hard to muster up. For one, I began jogging again. I have been consistent the past three days; jogging to the park with Jocelyn in the stroller, letting her play on the playground and then feed the ducks, then home again. I am sore, but not as sore as I thought I'd be. I am happy I have been consistent cause the more I do it the easier it is for me to just do it, and really WANT to do it! I hope that I remember how good it feels. Endorphins are really a great natural anti-depressant. (Not that I have been depressed, but it sure does make me ease up on life!!)
The other challenging thing has been that I feel that I don't have the confidence I wish I had in certain things. I was called to be in the Primary presidency in my ward, which is great, but I'm just a big sissy!! I am the queen of fearing I'll fail! Whether it be as a mother, wife, friend, church leader, whatever! It really holds me back at times and I have seen many times where I have missed some great opportunities. Ughh. That is by far one of my greatest weaknesses in life.
Anyway, Abe was sweet the other day and surprised me with flowers. I see them every morning on our card table/dining table and they make me smile. Do they make you smile?
 I am not going to lie. It has been rough at times to stay positive and find time to spend one on one time with Abraham since we have been here. I am waiting patiently until we get a good opportunity to go on a date. I think Jocelyn is getting tired of always playing and being with "mommy". I don't blame her. I get tired of myself too sometimes. She always yells "daddy" when she wakes from her nap or finishes her bedtime bath. I do find that we have tender moments together and I really love how precious my time with her is now. I know I will miss having so much time with her later in her life, but she will always be my baby girl. 
I need to make dinner now; I hope these foil dinners turn out better than last time.