The sand in my grasp.

I feel like the older I get, the faster time seems to slip by. I often don't remember what happened just a few days ago. Life was so much slower when I was younger. I can remember things I experienced in great detail, and sometimes I cannot put into words how I felt during those times. So, they are just locked in my mind with only myself to revisit often. I think that maybe I paid more attention when I was younger, so that is why I remember so well. I don't have too many pictures or videos of me as a child, but I seem to still remember more about my childhood than about my life as an adult. Interesting. I try really hard to remember everything I experience when I know that I am having a wonderful or life-changing moment in my life. I want to lock them in my memory, but it's just not the same as when I was a child. Does anyone experience this?

I think that my little girl, Jocelyn, is like I was as a child. She has always been very observant. As a baby she would love to look around at the people surrounding her, especially at church, while all the other babies her age would be lying in their baby carriers or fixed on a toy. I know that she will grow up fast in my eyes. But the greatest thing to remember is that she feels she is not. Time takes               f o r e v e r  to go by as a child. So I need to be extra careful with the time I do share with her...because we are sharing it. Five minutes to me may feel like an hour to her. So I need to be careful with what our "sharing time" consists of.


I listened to a song today by Mindy Gledhill called Hourglass. I loved how the lyrics say that life is an hourglass. It is very true that after time passes, all we have are the grains to look back on. I hope that those I love will have happy "grains" of me in their own pile of sand, especially my child(ren). I was called to be in the Primary presidency in my ward recently. I have felt the Holy Ghost so strong lately and I know I am being influenced by him because of the newfound passion I have for teaching, loving, and getting to know the children of my ward.
I read a message given by Jeffrey R. Holland to primary presidencies in the church. He said, "...Your influence will, quite literally, affect these children for eternity...However much we love and admire children, I am certain we underestimate who and what a child is and what in the hands of God he or she may become." I really loved what he said, especially now being a mother. I know that the Savior understands the way children observe life around them. He must know for He experienced everything and remembers it all in greater detail than I could ever imagine. He never forgets. And every movement He made and word He spoke was good. Every person who has and ever will live on the earth will have happy "grains" of Him in their pile of sand. I think that one of the greatest things we can do for the children in our lives is to share with them this happy "grain". Just thinking about how much joy comes from being able to do that for someone else...especially a child, is overwhelmingly awesome!
I am grateful to have had the opportunity to have once been a child and that I still have memories from when I was one. I am grateful for the children in my life. They remind me of how precious our lives here one earth are. The time we have here and the grains of sand in our grasp are gifts from God. He gave each of us the opportunity to influence the grains of sand of those around us. The Savior is the perfect example for us. He was always thoughtful and careful. He understood how precious the sand was that he held in His hands.

Making choices.

I gave a talk in church last Sunday about our agency and responsibility. It was great motivation for me to study more than I usually do. It seems that Heavenly Father knew I needed to learn more about this right now in my life. So, I studied and pondered all last week. I read quite a few talks and articles written by church leaders and found some great quotes as well. Here are just a few of my favorites:

"Our Father in Heaven wanted our growth to continue in mortality and to be enhanced by our freedom to choose and learn. He also wanted us to exercise our faith and our will, especially with a new physical body to master and control." 

-Howard W. Hunter

"How do we make correct choices? A choice involves making a conscious decision. To make an intelligent decision we need to evaluate all available facts on both sides of an issue. But that isn't enough. Making correct decisions involves prayer and inspiration." -James E. Faust

"Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man [or woman] who gives into temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. Christ, because He was [and still is] the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means." -C.S. Lewis

These quotes made me think of our willpower. I think willpower has a lot to do with the choices we make. I think that some decisions I made were influenced by my lack of confidence in myself. I know that some people are blessed with very strong willpower. I think it is very important for everyone to understand that charity is the main force that will have some influence on a person's level of willpower. The more we put down and judge others for their weaknesses, the more damage we do to their willpower. Yet, the more we encourage and strive to help and serve one another out of love, the stronger their willpower becomes. It is essential to have a strong willpower in our lives. It is the source of  motivation to endure through the trials we face.
My sister, Emily, wrote a few inspiring posts about her decision to have a natural childbirth. She gained some spiritual enlightenment from her birth experience. Her willpower was strengthened through her experience, and she is confident to share her knowledge with others so that they can strengthen their willpower as well.
She said:

"It is time to take a look at what society tells us about birth and change our expectations. As women, we use the knowledge we have to make the best choices for us and our baby but we must be knowledgeable on more than one kind of birth. Why believe the comments of people who haven't experienced natural birth. Don't let them scare you into thinking it is a stupid wasteful idea and that you can't do it and will be begging for the epidural. There are plenty of women who can testify of the amazing grace of a natural birth and want to do it again and they are all like you!!! They aren't Wonder Woman. Look them up, there are a lot out there."

She is very right. It is important to share what we know and experience. We need to know every side to every story to make the best decision for ourselves. God's input needs to be there as well. The more we go through this process and make decisions, the more we grow and our willpower grows along with it. I see that in Emily...for sure!
When I had Jocelyn, I planned to have a natural birth...to see how far I could go with the pain. I did have medication, but her delivery was great. I felt the spirit very strongly. I saw my husband, Abraham, in a way I had never seen before. It was a wonderful experience.
And so, as a woman, I did see a glimpse of what my sister talked about. Although a man will never have the opportunity to experience pregnancy and birth as women do, it is exciting to know that through life's experiences we can all grow in several ways we never thought we could.  The most important part of these choices is whether they bring us closer to our Savior or not.
And for some reason, I kept thinking of the birthing class Abraham and I took after reading her post. We wanted (well, it was mostly for Abe!) to know what to expect from a birth in the hospital. This was a large part of what we watched...

and this too...

I admit it is pretty funny. But then again, most of the choices we make in life and how we handle them are very amusing to look back on! Am I right?